How Should We Be Talking About Suicide?

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.

World Suicide Day is an annual day to encourage awareness about the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 today. As part of a series of a few posts about suicide, this post covers what I feel are the more useful and healthy ways to talk about suicide.

Do I need to worry about the words I use?

Suicide can be an intensely emotive subject and many people feel unclear about what may be considered “useful” or “unhelpful” language to use when talking about suicide. What words should we be using? What are the ways to talk about suicide, suicidal ideation or related issues? It’s also not just those who fear offending or upsetting someone they know who has been affected by suicide. It’s also those who have personal experience of suicide who question whether how they talk about their experience will shock or confuse others.

In this post I will share my suggestions as to how we should be talking about suicide.

First and foremost, I believe that any conversation about suicide can aid awareness and support bringing the topic of suicide further out of the abyss and into everyday conversation.

Whether you’re unsure about the words you use or how to ask someone how their loved one died for fear of upsetting them, the most important thing by far is that you have had the courage to talk about a topic that for many is too difficult. So well done you!

So What works?

For far too long suicide has been a taboo subject, a topic we may not always know how to approach, talk about or even whether it’s ok to share our own experiences and views of. But nowadays suicide awareness is on the up and this is largely due to more people being able to talk about suicide. You may have come across the notion that it’s healthier to not talk about “committing” suicide as that has particular connotations and harks back to the days when suicide was considered illegal. Those days are gone – suicide is not a crime and to say “commit” is outdated. It’s not that it’s necessarily offensive to say ‘to commit suicide’ but it’s more useful to say things like “to die by suicide” or simply “to suicide” in the sense of e.g. “My friend suicided”. Ultimately, anyone affected by suicide will appreciate any effort to talk to them about their experience of suicide, no matter the language used.

Earlier this year the charity CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) launched its “Project 84” to highlight the shocking current suicide statistics in the UK. The Project consisted of 84 sculptures to represent each of the 84 lives that are lost to suicide every week in the UK. There have also been a number of high profile deaths by suicide that have also contributed to our exposure, understanding and awareness. Having been covered in multiple news items there was also much effort that went in to encouraging a more sensitive way of talking about suicide.

The more we can encourage a sensitive and healthy way to talk about suicide, the more we can encourage accuracy and respect in our conversations.

How To Talk About Suicide

The following is a suggested list of words and language that seeks to understand and respect those who experience suicidal thoughts and those who have been affected by suicide.

  • To die by suicide
  • To suicide
  • To take one’s life
  • To end one’s life by suicide
  • To attempt a suicide
  • To complete a suicide attempt or to complete a suicide

Above all, it’s important to remember that all open, direct and honest talk about suicide can help support wider understanding and awareness.

Please note that as an emotive and often personal subject, the above views and suggestions are solely my own and may differ to other’s.

If you are thinking about suicide there is a 24/7 helpline available via the Samaritans on 116 123. There is also a range of resources available on this site and if you would like support through your own suicidal ideation, get in touch.

Why You Will Never Get Over the Death of a Loved One

The myth that you can get over the death of a loved one is just that, a myth.

Grief isn’t a tick-box exercise that you can experience and say you’ve ‘done’, it is a constantly evolving process without an ending. We can learn to carry the burden of our loss, we can learn to rebuild our lives around our loss and we can experience love and joy again. We will grow around our grief and it doesn’t have to consume us, we will just never “get over” it.

The grieving process is unique to every individual. It is also unique to every loss. The relationship we have with each person we lose and how our lives are affected by the loss of that relationship can vary so much that there is no right or wrong way to how we experience it each time. We can experience one loss in one way and the next one in a very different way. It may depend on the relationship we had with the person we have lost, how close or dependent we were. It may also be an object we have lost, it could be a relationship, a long-held goal or belief or maybe even a part of ourselves that we are letting go of.

How Do We Move On?

Some people believe that it’s possible to achieve a sense of closure once you have gone through the various stages of a grieving cycle. While the very notion may be well-meaning, if you have lost a loved one then the idea of moving on from mourning that person you’ve loved and lost may well be a horrifying idea. You may not want closure as it may equate to forgetting or moving beyond that person. The truth is that what you have lost will always be a part of you and the grieving process is about how you can grow and develop around your loss.

As time passes on your journey, you will find that the intensity of your emotions is reduced. You may continue to be triggered by the same annual celebrations, dates or places that remind us of our loved but you will find that you may have new ways of self-care, new ways to comfort yourself in times of need. At those times your emotions may be heightened again and you may feel you are right back at the beginning having just lost that person all over again. But it’s possible to recover quicker, it’s possible to love again and it’s possible to hold on to what that person means for you at the same time as being able to get on with daily life.

We will always grieve because we will always love.

Bereavement and Grief Counselling

If you are looking for someone to support you on your grieving journey, get in touch. Bereavement counselling can mean that you have company on that journey and an option to share a space with someone who can empathise with what is going on for you and allow you to be as you need to be.

Is Sex Addiction Really a Thing?

Sex is a normal human experience and is generally embraced and encouraged by society. These days is an area fully encouraged by the media and society to the point that sex is seemingly used to sell just about anything. So if it is so normalised and has an established place in modern society, how does it become a problem for someone and when is it ‘too much’? As with anything, when something crosses boundaries from being something within manageable control and into the realms of something that is disruptive and potentially destructive to us and those around us, it may be considered an addiction.

So Does Sex Addiction Exist?

Sex addiction is actually nothing new. The terminology may be new but the concept of being controlled by sexual urges and desires isn’t new at all. The digital age may have contributed to it being more prolific though in that numerous dating apps, online dating sites, hookup sites and free porn mean that generally sex is just a few clicks away. Cyber-sex can also be said to have increased as a result and “sexting” is now a thing too. In our technological age, we are now more connected than ever to each other and we are more exposed to a variety of quicker and easier ways of fulfilling sexual desires.

The term sex addiction is still quite controversial though and the debate continues about whether sex obsession can be classed as an addiction. The debate can often be complicated by differing morals, values or religious and cultural biases and what constitutes a sex addiction is hard to quantify or classify. However it is named though, if it is disruptive and has begin to interfere in daily activities, it is an issue. If you are looking for psychotherapy for sex addiction, you will be able to work with your individual therapist to understand what is going on for you and why.

It doesn’t just exist in the male population either. While it may be mostly men reporting sex addictions, it is not something limited to the males of the species. There may be many reasons as to why this is including the perception that it is more “acceptable” for a man to have a sex addiction. Mistakenly, a man with a sex addiction may be rewarded with a certain ‘kudos’. He may be revered or envied about how much sex he may get whereas a woman may be more inclined to hide her sex addiction as something to be ashamed of.

The Difference Between a High Sex Drive and Sex Addiction

It’s important to note the differences between having a high sex drive and a sex addiction. Your therapist won’t have a moral stance on your situation but will seek to understand how it is affecting you. You may find that you’ve got stuck in a cycle of destructive ways of relating to others and in therapy you’ll be able to work on where things may have gone awry.

How Can Psychotherapy Help With Sex Addiction?

The World Health Organisation considers compulsive sexual behaviour as a mental health condition. Psychotherapy for sex addiction is not about abstention or learning to live without, as may be the case with other addictions, but more concerned with establishing achievable and realistic goals for you. As a talking therapy, psychotherapy can support you in improving your mental health. If you feel you are more of a slave to your sexual urges than in control of them, psychotherapy can support you in regaining a sex life that is enjoyable, healthy and fits with your values.

If you feel your sex life isn’t how you want it to be get in touch to find out more about how therapy can help.