Transactional Analysis and the Ego State Model of Personality

Posted on by Alana Burton

The ego state model of personality is a central concept in Transactional Analysis. As a practitioner of Transactional Analysis, the ego state model is one I often use in my work as a psychoanalytic approach to therapy and personal growth. The model posits that individuals have three distinct ego states that operate within their personality: Parent, Adult, and Child. The founder of TA, Eric Berne defined an ego state as ‘a system of feelings accompanied by related set of behaviour patterns.’

Berne believed that there are three ego states in everyone and that together they constitute our individual personalities.

Ego States


The Parent ego state is characterised by learned behaviours, attitudes, and values that were passed down from one’s own parents or other authority figures. This state can be further divided into two sub-states: the Nurturing Parent (providing care and support) and the Critical Parent (providing rules and boundaries). When individuals are in the Parent ego state, they may act in ways that reflect the attitudes and behaviors they learned from their own parents or other authority figures.

The Child ego state is characterised by emotions, impulses, and behaviours that reflect earlier stages of development. This state can also be further divided into two sub-states: the Free Child (spontaneous and creative) and the Adapted Child (conforming to others’ expectations). When individuals are in their Child ego state, they may act in ways that reflect their emotional reactions to situations.

The Adult ego state is characterised by a rational, logical, and objective approach to life. When individuals are in the Adult ego state, they are able to process information and make decisions based on the present reality, without being influenced by emotions or past experiences.

The ego state model of personality suggests that individuals can switch between these three ego states depending on the situation and their emotional state. By identifying which ego state is most dominant in a given situation, individuals can gain insight into their behaviours and make conscious choices about how to respond.

Transactional Analysis Therapy

Transactional analysis aims to help individuals develop their Adult ego state to be more effective in their personal and professional relationships. Through therapy, individuals can learn to recognise and manage their emotional reactions, communicate more effectively, and make choices that are aligned with their values and goals.

 

Image by Tom from Pixabay

Dopamining – Chasing the High

Posted on by Alana Burton

What is Dopamine?

Dopamine is one of the brain’s “feel good” neurotransmitters. It induces feelings of excitement, motivation, aliveness and gratification. When we engage in certain behaviours, dopamine is released from where it is produced in the brain and enters our bloodstream to give us a feeling of satisfaction and reward.

Why Do We Need It?

From an evolutionary perspective, a release of dopamine is what incentivises us to do the things that are good for our survival, like eating, drinking and reproducing. Human beings are hard-wired to be reward-seeking and a healthy level of dopamine makes us feel happy, focused, alert and motivated.

‘Dopamining’

It may be a word right out of an urban dictionary, but the concept of “dopamining” is being increasingly used to describe the thrill of doing things that lead to a release of dopamine.

So Is Dopamine Addictive?

Dopamine itself is not addictive, but the feeling we get when we experience a flood of dopamine lights up the reward centres of the brain and compels us to want it more. The strong memory of the pleasure we felt as a result of a dopamine release is what we are focusing on and what we continue to seek.

Excessive repeated releases of dopamine can also over-stimulate our brain. In small doses this isn’t unhealthy, but arguably, some of the reward-seeking behaviours are what can be define as unhealthy and this is where things get complex.

Our iPhones for example, are like mini dopamine factories – pumping out little highs with each pick up. Modern phones have been designed with reward-seeking behaviour in mind and you just have to watch The Social Dilemma on Netflix to understand the magnitude of the problem. While it is not the phone itself that is addictive, the plethora of social media sites and apps is what has given us a positively endless supply of social stimuli in the thumbs up, likes, happy faces or messages that we receive. And, it’s not just the positive reactions we seek, it may be the negative reactions too. It can rapidly become a case of posting anything, even posting those things we know are just ideal to set us up for an online roasting because all we’re after is a response. Neuroscientists have shown that these positive and negative social stimuli activate the same neural reward pathways in the brain as a hit of cocaine would give us.

Being ‘addicted to your phone’ is just one example of how this can work. Other activities such as playing video games, drinking alcohol or infidelity can all behaviours that are based on this same reward system.

Where It Can Go Wrong

Regularly chasing a dopamine high off the back of an unhealthy behaviour can have serious implications for many areas of our life. Studies have shown there is a link between dopamine and compulsive behaviours and at an extreme level, continued and excessive dopamine hits can result in damage to the brain. Brain pathways are altered and the brain gets used to a new level of dopamine tolerance meaning that we are less sensitive to its impact. As we no longer get the same high, we may be compelled to seek increasingly unhealthy behaviours to achieve the same feeling. In the instance of alcohol use, this may look like drinking more and more. Even low dose alcohol is known to increase the release of dopamine.

In the case of infidelity, the brain’s self-control centre short-circuits and you may someone escalate from emotionally cheating to repeated infidelities or even engaging in risky sexual deviances. The thrill of the chase can be so intense it can sometimes look like a sex addiction (but that’s another blog post altogether). It’s not the sex that someone is addicted to though, it’s the dopamine release they are seeking and the sexual activity, or the chase at least, is just a way to obtain the dopamine rush.

Ultimately, the downfall is when it leads to poor impulse control and someone finds it impossible to resist certain behaviours. Instances of “It was just one more drink….” or relationships plagued by an incessant wave of infidelities rationalised as “just sexual banter” can lead to chronic problems in maintaining self-control that ends up costing someone dearly. Not only is there an impact to oneself in increases in stress, anxiety and depression and poor sleep quality, there is also collateral damage experienced in disruptions to personal relationships or in strained or dysfunctional family dynamics.

When To Get Help

If poor impulse control is something you recognise in yourself or in someone close, get help. There is work that can be done around identifying triggers and changing patterns in thinking, feeling and behaviour. Find a therapist you can talk to and one you feel you can work well with. Therapy can help improve levels of self-control and support someone in developing healthier coping strategies.

 

Photo (social media) by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash

Photo (heart) by Marah Bashir on Unsplash

How To Spot Emotional Abuse

Posted on by Alana Burton

Never feeling good enough. Doubting yourself and wondering where you have gone wrong. Walking on eggshells. Watching what you say and changing your behaviour to avoid being reprimanded. If any of these sounds familiar, you may be experiencing emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse, also known as psychological abuse can cover any type of non-physical abuse including control, manipulation, bullying or verbal abuse. It is a way of psychologically manipulating a victim and in a relationship it can be like a slow drip feed, incessant and insidious and has the aim of wearing you down, stripping away your personality and everything you thought you knew about yourself, leaving behind a shell of a person. It is not limited to romantic relationships either, any relationship can be affected including friendships, family or professional relationships.

While there may often be visible signs of physical abuse, emotional abuse is more subtle and often harder to identify. It is nonetheless as devastating in a relationship as other forms of abuse. Many victims report not really understanding or appreciating that they have been a victim of emotional abuse until after the fact. It may take time to sufficiently recognise the abuse you have felt subjected to. A key aspect to consider is how you feel in the relationship. Red flags to look out for are if you feel like you are being manipulated, you don’t feel able to speak your mind or you modify your actions to accommodate someone else. Ask yourself whether you feel like you are being yourself when you are with this person? If you feel in some way out of sync and wondering about your own sanity, there might be something more serious to look in to.

“But it’s for your own good”

Abusers often blame their victims and act as if they have no idea why you are upset. You may be convinced that what you are experiencing is for your own good, that you perhaps don’t know what is good enough for yourself and need someone else to help you figure this out. You may feel guilty, ashamed and silenced by the feeling of having gotten something wrong, or missed something that was supposedly very good for you.

A victim may also experience a loving side to their partner amongst episodes of emotional abuse and they may forget or deny the abusive behaviours. The ‘bad stuff’ can sometimes be rationalised in distorted ways to justify what is going on. You start to question yourself and wonder whether you can trust your own judgement or perceptions. Your self-esteem starts to chip away and the lines between what feels like reality and doubt are blurred. Before long you feel you are losing your mind.

Get the support you need

In recent years there has been a massive shift in the way we talk about emotional abuse. Terms such as “coercive control” and “gaslighting” are more widely used and and are taken more seriously. Coercive control was also recognised as a criminal offence in 2015. People are talking about it more and there is help and support on offer.

If any of the above resonates in any way or you want to talk through your experiences, contact a professional. Get the support you need to make sense of what you are going through. You may have slowly lost sight of who you are but there’s always scope to turn it around. You can regain control over your own life.

 

Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash